It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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