I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
