just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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