I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
