i would punch a child for taco bell
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
