NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize