are you still at the devil's house?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
