dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
