Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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