He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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