Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
