How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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