East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
