u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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