Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
