The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
