found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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