my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
