No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
