Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My underwear smells like fireworks.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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