My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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