There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
