once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
