its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
