You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
