she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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