I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
