Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
