Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You were trust falling into bushes
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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