Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
