when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
