The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think people are normalizing furries
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize