1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
