i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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