Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We left an ass print on the piano.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
