Non-Jews are for practice
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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