Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
