I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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