i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
