Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
