So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
