There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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