Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
