Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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