Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
