Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
