the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
