giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
