Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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