She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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