you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Dear god my vagina.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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