i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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