you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
