When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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