why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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