im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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