Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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