don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
