I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
