My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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