she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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