hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
