you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
