she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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