i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
